The Real Reason Your Relationships Suffer —You Never Did This at the Start

The Real Reason Your Relationships Suffer —You Never Did This at the Start


While the most exciting things to do when starting a new relationship include getting impressive outfits for dinners, composing beautiful messages to send to each other, buying gifts, and more, the most important ones are not so interesting. In fact, some of them are scary.

But you are left with a decision to make: what matters most? Is it to have the fun now and be ruined tomorrow, or to take the risks now and ensure the fun continues for always?

If you’d go for the later, here are the things you should do from the start. They may be risky, remember; but the risk is worth it.

1. Examine yourself properly

While things are starting out, you should take some time to assess yourself. This is when you put away the excitement of the new affair, the charms and thrills, and look deeply into yourself. You assess how truly you feel about the relationship, what you expect out of it, where it is heading, why you believe in that relationship, and more.

You should be clear on these things within yourself at the start. They will help guide the relationship, help you make the most of it, and also help you measure the progress of the union. You can put these things down. They will help you evaluate each time whether or not you are in the right direction.

2. Be yourself

It doesn’t matter how long it is since you last had someone walk up to you. The fear of losing ‘a new catch’ makes people try to be fake a lot of things about themselves. If there are things to improve, it is better to start taking care of them while you are alone and keep making progress, than faking to be a better version of yourself to impress someone new.
The truth is, they will eventually get to see the real you, and if it’s something they can’t put up with, they will still leave after all. It is better they know exactly who they are dealing with and know they are comfortable with that person. Don’t fake; be real.

3. Be honest

Lies often identify themselves, sooner or later. And nothing built on falsehood lasts. So what do you want? If you want something strong and long-lasting, start out right. Say the truth when discussing issues. Say your mind. Give your honest opinions, even in issues you don’t feel are so important. For instance, perhaps he wants a full-time housewife, whereas you are a career person. When you get talking about career do not try to play around and stick with only what he approves of, except you are ready to make the sacrifice. Be honest and sincere. It is for the good of both parties.

4. Don’t impress

The fact that the person seems to match everything on your checklist should not make go extra miles to make impressions and be super perfect. You cannot sustain that for long. One secret to having a solid relationship is not to have false start. Don’t start doing whatever you will not continue in the long run. It is wrong to stop and blame your partner for always having the same expectations. You caused it, anyway.

From phone calls, to messages, gifts, dinners, movies, flowers, etc.; only do those things you are ready to continue even after the honeymoon. Making impressions are another way of being fake. You should rather start out moderately, and heat things up as you go farther in the relationship/marriage.

5. Talk about your deal breakers

“But it’s too early,” you may say. Well, it is better said earlier than late or never. You do it for your sake and for the sake of the other person. Establishing boundaries is important for every relationship. You should find a way to put them into your conversations, and not try to avoid them.

Talking about your deal breakers helps both parties know what each other wants and doesn’t want. This is helpful in evaluating the relationship and to know how far it can possibly go. It avoids waste of time. If things are established on time, one can easily pull off before going too far. Sometimes people get stuck in wrong relationships because they discovered late and reluctant to quit. They think they’ve gone too far already. You have a better chance when you talk about things early enough.

6. Talk about commitment

Relationships don’t just happen. It is a wrong assumption people make. They just let things happen, and remain complacent about how the wheels are rolling and where they are heading towards. You wake up to find you’ve been wasting your time with the wrong person.

Get in charge; you are actually being in charge of your life, and it is right. Find out what the person wants and tell them what you are looking for. If you are looking for commitment, say it. Do not put it off and hope it will happen somehow. If you want the ring, be sure you are dealing with someone who thinks about that. By doing this early enough you easily discard those who just want to play and have fun at your own expense.

7. Listen and learn

Many problems with relationships have are rooted in the beginning. The fun and fantasies blind many people to the things they should be aware of from the start. If there are things you can’t put up with, you should listen and be sure of them before plunging in. Would you date an alcoholic? What did he say about his drinking habit? Do you have an objection about marrying a workaholic? How’s his work schedule? Do you not mind a wo/man who already has a child? Does he beat? Can you deal with a man who bullies his woman?

Get to learn about your new date early enough to allow you make critical decisions and either quit or prepare yourself for what’s to come. Don’t let the romance and initial excitement blind your eyes or shut your ears. They will eventually open, and you will regret.

8. NO comparisons

Do not compare your new partner with the previous one(s). This will ruin a relationship that has potential of going far. Understand that people are different. This is why you must see each relationship as a fresh start, learn about the person and let the person also know you.

You should have dealt with your past relationships before entering into a new one. This will ensure you don’t bring in the hurt, anger, guilt, and other negative emotions into the new relationship. Learn your lessons, make necessary amendments, and don’t make your new partner pay for what others did.

9. Meet friends and acquaintances

Both parties should take out time to know and meet with each other’s friends. They help you understand the person you are dealing with, both verbally and otherwise. While your partner’s friends will help you know many things about him/her, your own friends can give you useful feedback about your partner. You may not make judgements entirely based on what they say, but they can really help guide you when combined with your inner suspicions and feelings.


Relationships are not fairytales. They are serious business. While the fun and excitement comes first, it is not okay to be blinded by them and forget the important part of the union. There are too many breakups and divorces mostly because people didn’t take care of the serious aspects of their relationships. Don’t plunge in headlong because of the initial excitement; it won’t carry you too far. Taking care of the details from the start enables you to build a solid foundation and have a relationship that will last long and be rewarding.

Enjoy!



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